Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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