did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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