I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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