morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
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I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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