Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
