I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
did i walk over a car last night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
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I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize