I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
