I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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