I will die if light touches me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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