i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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