Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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