Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ladies don't puke and tell
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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