I will die if light touches me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
