the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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