I wish you could order shots online.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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