I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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