Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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