you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
