I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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