remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
