when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
