NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish i was in the wii world.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
