it hurts more in the daytime
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
