This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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