I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
