she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
