There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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