Michael Bay diarrhea
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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