My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
