The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
