community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
