my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
