He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
