God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
