he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And then my night got REAL pukey
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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