U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
