Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
