either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
