dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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