walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
