He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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