You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
