I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
