I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
