his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Couch. On fire.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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