I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
