I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you had me at cake vodka
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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