Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
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I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
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Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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