I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
