I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
