Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
