even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
