i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
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Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
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We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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