I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
