I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
