He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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