i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
