It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
