Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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