on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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