It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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