i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
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We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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