she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
