life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
