Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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