Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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