i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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