I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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