Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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