I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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