My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
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He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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