this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
