I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
