i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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