apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
