WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
