I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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