I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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