My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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